Religious Relapse - a poem for the Feast Day of CS Lewis

Religious Relapse

“I belong here. 
This is the land 
I have been looking 
for all my life, 
though I never knew it 
till now... 
Come further up, 
come further in!”
CS Lewis

“Like thunder needs rain
Like a preacher needs pain
Like tongues of flame
Like a sheet stained
Like a needle needs a vein
Like someone to blame
Like a thought unchained
Like a runaway train
I need your love”
Bono

It’s like a switch
in my brain
It’s like a sip
of something strong
It was only found
listening to a song

If religion was 
just another drug for me
I am in full relapse mode
Ravenous for meaning
Craving the god shots
Undiluted & pure

If religion were
more bad than good
in the world as a net
why do folks still place the bet
like in a desert & drought
a dry being walks to water 

If religion were
only certainty & war
doctrine & control
why all this breathtaking art
all this heartbreaking poetry
all this always awesome awe

If religion is a drug
I might try what 
you are dealing
drink what you are spilling
smoke whatever
I am smelling

There was always
something sad about
my abstinence from
the booze of beauty
the crack of creation
the weed of wonder 

My sojourn from the wildness 
of God must confess that
it was domesticated dreary
orderly ornery
fulsome fears
& boredom’s tears

Like SciFi & fantasy
dance & trance
sports & games
simple distractions from
the finality of fatality we are
a fragile utopia of friends

This is the fix that I need
a hunger that diminishes greed
a place where from the chains
we have been freed
with only a muse of love
that we must please

P.S.
No guarantees that
these feelings will last
accountable to my future
by admitting my past
though some days are pious
some others are crass

11/22/23
Feast Day of CS Lewis, 2023